"Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back. Treat others the same way you want [e]them to treat you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount."
-Luke 6:30-34
I've been asking God where to go lately. He's been directing me. That's been awesome. However, I don't always listen. Nor do I always obey even when I say I will. Yeah, I am a sinner too.
Here's a story/rant about beggars.
I mentioned there are quite a few homeless/down and out people that live near by the (mostly) middle class and upper class neighborhood we live in. They go walking on the main streets and ask people for money sometimes. It's happened to me a few times and the last few days I've felt like God wants me to give someone "down and out" $20 I have burning a hole in my wallet. I missed one such prompting and said I'd listen the next time. Here's what happened.
I felt led to go to this super cute vintage/antique store just a couple of blocks from us. I walked around the block to get there and went inside. They had moved things in the store since last I'd been in and the displays were absolutely gorgeous and whimsical. Everywhere I looked was eye-candy and interesting thing after interesting thing. I wanted about half a dozen things in the store and even tried on a vintage dress. I thought of the "practical" things I could purchase as well but I could tell Miriam was getting tired and then she screamed a little (I think she's possibly getting a tooth now!) and so I decided we had better go.
As I walked out the door two people, a man and a woman, who appeared to be homeless, walked behind me. As we neared the light the woman asked me if I had some spare change. The light was changing so I said if they followed me across the intersection I'd give them some. As soon as we got across I rifled through my purse, took out my wallet, and gave them all the change in the pocket. I thought though: give them $20, but they had only asked for change, I countered. I asked them, "What do you need?" The woman told me they needed food and intended to buy some fried chicken in a bag that they could get for $2 somewhere. I thought, okay, so see they don't even need that much. Also, the man had said "You're a Christian, right?" and I responded, "Yes I am" kind of sheepishly as the prompt of giving more was still there and I was not obeying it. Then another man who was smoking a cigarette came by asking them about a bus route and before I could think further I decided to leave to avoid the smoke (mostly for Miriam) and said, "Bless you" as they thanked me. BUT here's the thing: I'm a hypocrite.
So, yeah, I gave them some money. BUT I felt like I should have given more. Would they have used if for food? I don't know for sure. Maybe they would have used it for cigarettes or alcohol or drugs even. I just don't know. But what would I have used it for? To buy another "thing." To purchase some temporary "happiness" and try to fill the void that is only filled by God. To justify my addiction to materialism comparing myself to others who are MORE indulgent than me and buy not just some "useful things" but overpriced designer clothing or fancy trinket or the like. Yeah, so I'm not as bad as that person. At least I gave them some change. Right? Right. Except that's not what God was really asking me to do. Except while they may not have used the money in the "best" way I would not have either and my "perceived needs" are all really wants anyway. You may disagree but I have a feeling that 9 times of of 10 I bet they'd use the money far more usefully to themselves overall.
In our society, just because someone has money it's often assumed that they "deserve" it. Just because I happen to be "middle class" now it's assumed that I did something or that my worth as a person is greater and I'm entitled to it. This is simply wrong. Perhaps because I have been on the lower end of the earning scale I can see that better. Perhaps because I don't "earn" money now and my work is being a stay-at-home mama and wife I don't feel I deserve it. Regardless, I think it's a misconception that someone with money "deserves" it. My "wants" do not discredit a street person's needs. My "wants" are not even better than their "wants" either. We're all beggars when it comes down to it. Everything that was given to me, in the end, is from God's grace. Jesus gave to me so I could give to others. I am blessed to be a blessing. It occurred to me, actually, that Jesus probably wants me to give my money just so I can see my spiritual poverty just as much to show them his Grace. That in itself is humbling. So, pray for me, to not just be an orator telling this story but actually obey next time. Thank you.
Friday, June 5, 2015
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Holy Mischief
Time rolls on like a river. I have not posted lacking inspiration and somewhat lacking time. I love being a mama. I'm convinced it is one of the most fantastic joys one can experience. There is such delight in seeing your child grow and seeing her become more and more the little person that she was created to be. I only want to aid in this formation and by the grace of the Holy Spirit that's what I'm trying for every day.
Yet, sometimes my life feels mundane. Sometimes I even feel like cliche and I'm reaching for something more. We are slowly meeting some like-minded folks but have mostly connected with some people we wouldn't have thought to be friends with back home (which has it's merits as well). I live in a city now that I would never choose to live in apart from the great job my husband has here. We live in the *best* part of the city as far as I know. It's a bit like a small town and it has it's charms and character of some of the older architecture, a handful of indie businesses down the "Hilton" strip and traditions long held by the tight knit community inside of it. It is like a Norman Rockwell painting brought to life in a lot of ways.
Of course, there are the darker, sadder sides of things here including a homeless population that seems to wander through often. There also seems to be an overall lust for the "new" and "convenient" (at least in the wider city) which leaves blight of disheveled mom and pop businesses in it's wake. I can find myself feeling sorry for myself even though even though I truly love so much of my life and I am thankful for my family (Chris and Miriam) especially. I am thankful to be able to watch little Miri grow as well. Yet, I need to see that my purpose goes beyond the immediate. I need to know that there is something for me in this city itself and not shut myself off from the uncomfortable injustices that exist. I need to be enabled to do some "holy mischief" in the words of Shane Claiborne. Holy Mischief being a challenge to the status quo, a way to brighten and illuminate, a dare to be different in the way God calls us to be different - set apart so others might see his Holiness.
So yesterday I set out to do something I had meaning to do for months. I had painted a few signs with scriptures that I felt might speak to someone out on the street or someone just taking a walk, "The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." -Galatians 5:6 "Act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your Creator." -Micah 6:8, and one more "You are loved and worthy of love" (taken from an incredible story my high school friend told) -- see here --http://www.differentkindoflife.com/birthday/
I went out with Miriam in her stroller and hammered the signs up to a couple of telephone polls (I actually forgot the "You are loved and worthy of love" one but I intend to put that out another day). I felt so alive because I was able to do something like that. Miriam even seemed to like it. ;-) I hope that the signs speak to people in real ways. I hope it's a day brightener or a challenge to someone. I actually put one near a tavern. Ha. We will see.
I've decided that I want to make my life one that is full of this kind of Holy Mischief. I don't want to get comfortable and cozy with what's typical. I want to let my imagination go wild with God, the Creator, and by his help, bring them about. So far for me that means making those signs, greeting and engaging homeless people and speaking as the Spirit leads, and putting a "free box" in our front yard with clothes we don't need (when it's not rainy). I want to do more and see more of God's Kingdom come. Here, now, on earth as it is in Heaven. We are his children, are we not?
More Holy Mischief is to be had.
Yet, sometimes my life feels mundane. Sometimes I even feel like cliche and I'm reaching for something more. We are slowly meeting some like-minded folks but have mostly connected with some people we wouldn't have thought to be friends with back home (which has it's merits as well). I live in a city now that I would never choose to live in apart from the great job my husband has here. We live in the *best* part of the city as far as I know. It's a bit like a small town and it has it's charms and character of some of the older architecture, a handful of indie businesses down the "Hilton" strip and traditions long held by the tight knit community inside of it. It is like a Norman Rockwell painting brought to life in a lot of ways.
Of course, there are the darker, sadder sides of things here including a homeless population that seems to wander through often. There also seems to be an overall lust for the "new" and "convenient" (at least in the wider city) which leaves blight of disheveled mom and pop businesses in it's wake. I can find myself feeling sorry for myself even though even though I truly love so much of my life and I am thankful for my family (Chris and Miriam) especially. I am thankful to be able to watch little Miri grow as well. Yet, I need to see that my purpose goes beyond the immediate. I need to know that there is something for me in this city itself and not shut myself off from the uncomfortable injustices that exist. I need to be enabled to do some "holy mischief" in the words of Shane Claiborne. Holy Mischief being a challenge to the status quo, a way to brighten and illuminate, a dare to be different in the way God calls us to be different - set apart so others might see his Holiness.
So yesterday I set out to do something I had meaning to do for months. I had painted a few signs with scriptures that I felt might speak to someone out on the street or someone just taking a walk, "The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." -Galatians 5:6 "Act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your Creator." -Micah 6:8, and one more "You are loved and worthy of love" (taken from an incredible story my high school friend told) -- see here --http://www.differentkindoflife.com/birthday/
I went out with Miriam in her stroller and hammered the signs up to a couple of telephone polls (I actually forgot the "You are loved and worthy of love" one but I intend to put that out another day). I felt so alive because I was able to do something like that. Miriam even seemed to like it. ;-) I hope that the signs speak to people in real ways. I hope it's a day brightener or a challenge to someone. I actually put one near a tavern. Ha. We will see.
I've decided that I want to make my life one that is full of this kind of Holy Mischief. I don't want to get comfortable and cozy with what's typical. I want to let my imagination go wild with God, the Creator, and by his help, bring them about. So far for me that means making those signs, greeting and engaging homeless people and speaking as the Spirit leads, and putting a "free box" in our front yard with clothes we don't need (when it's not rainy). I want to do more and see more of God's Kingdom come. Here, now, on earth as it is in Heaven. We are his children, are we not?
More Holy Mischief is to be had.
Friday, January 16, 2015
2015, what what!
Alright, so on with 2015 - I know I am a little late to post something about this but hey, I have a 4 month old baby, okay? ;-)
Last year was epic and marvelous in so many ways. So many changes, for the better mostly. Moving to Virginia at the end of Spring, Chris' super job, Miriam Jubilee coming into the world and knocking our socks off (my favorite change!). I will always miss Minnesota and our friends there (and family too) but such is life. I would be lying, however, to not say how I do deeply miss them and have felt it quite a lot lately.
Virginia is a good place to live all in all. It's just not the same as Minnesota. My winter here is bearable but in a kind of November way. It's actually green (I know, weird!) but it's kind of Novembery weather as in it's cold outside just enough most of the time that you don't want to be out (well, it makes it tricky with a young baby anyway). Also, there is no snow. I never realized how beautiful and peaceful snow makes everything look. It's just cold (well, at least cold for someone whose body has become acclaimated to warmer weather - if I came here from Minnesota January I'd say this is a heat wave, but anyhow).
So, I was originally going to post about my New Year's "resolutions" of sorts. I don't know if they really are resolutions but I want to change the way I live so I guess you'd call it that. One big thing is that I feel God calling me to more faith - not faith as in let's see people get healed and raise the dead type miracle faith - faith as in just fully trusting that God knows what he's doing with me - faith that sees past my husband's and other close friends/family's shortcomings and my limitations in time, resources and geography and sees what IS there and what CAN BE there as God works and I believe. I need to have the kind of faith that hushes the humdrum and hangups and knows Jesus walking among us. Even if I'm not healing the sick or raising the dead for God I want to believe God is with me and not stifle his Spirit in my everyday life - I want to be open to whatever adventure, however ordinary.
Along with that kind of everyday faith I need to change the way I talk. I don't mean that I need to take on a southern accent, heeheh, but I need to think before I speak as much as possible and not let my tongue steer my ship like a small rudder crashing the ship into the shore. Most people don't realize that I can have a poisonous tongue and be careless with my words but I certainly can. I do this much more than I care to admit and I want to speak life and grace and truth in all circumstances instead. I want to be speaking as if speaking the very words of God (If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen 1 Peter 4:11). Does that mean I can never criticize? No, but I need to be very careful in doing so and pray about what words I say before I say them. More often, I want to encourage and affirm what I can than bring a critical word that is probably going to be unhelpful. It's very humbling for me to say this because I like to look good to others, but I know I need to change. Lord, help me. Help me trust and speak your truth in grace and love. Sustain me in all circumstances to live life in a resurrected and redeemed reality not based on what I see alone.
Last year was epic and marvelous in so many ways. So many changes, for the better mostly. Moving to Virginia at the end of Spring, Chris' super job, Miriam Jubilee coming into the world and knocking our socks off (my favorite change!). I will always miss Minnesota and our friends there (and family too) but such is life. I would be lying, however, to not say how I do deeply miss them and have felt it quite a lot lately.
Virginia is a good place to live all in all. It's just not the same as Minnesota. My winter here is bearable but in a kind of November way. It's actually green (I know, weird!) but it's kind of Novembery weather as in it's cold outside just enough most of the time that you don't want to be out (well, it makes it tricky with a young baby anyway). Also, there is no snow. I never realized how beautiful and peaceful snow makes everything look. It's just cold (well, at least cold for someone whose body has become acclaimated to warmer weather - if I came here from Minnesota January I'd say this is a heat wave, but anyhow).
So, I was originally going to post about my New Year's "resolutions" of sorts. I don't know if they really are resolutions but I want to change the way I live so I guess you'd call it that. One big thing is that I feel God calling me to more faith - not faith as in let's see people get healed and raise the dead type miracle faith - faith as in just fully trusting that God knows what he's doing with me - faith that sees past my husband's and other close friends/family's shortcomings and my limitations in time, resources and geography and sees what IS there and what CAN BE there as God works and I believe. I need to have the kind of faith that hushes the humdrum and hangups and knows Jesus walking among us. Even if I'm not healing the sick or raising the dead for God I want to believe God is with me and not stifle his Spirit in my everyday life - I want to be open to whatever adventure, however ordinary.
Along with that kind of everyday faith I need to change the way I talk. I don't mean that I need to take on a southern accent, heeheh, but I need to think before I speak as much as possible and not let my tongue steer my ship like a small rudder crashing the ship into the shore. Most people don't realize that I can have a poisonous tongue and be careless with my words but I certainly can. I do this much more than I care to admit and I want to speak life and grace and truth in all circumstances instead. I want to be speaking as if speaking the very words of God (If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen 1 Peter 4:11). Does that mean I can never criticize? No, but I need to be very careful in doing so and pray about what words I say before I say them. More often, I want to encourage and affirm what I can than bring a critical word that is probably going to be unhelpful. It's very humbling for me to say this because I like to look good to others, but I know I need to change. Lord, help me. Help me trust and speak your truth in grace and love. Sustain me in all circumstances to live life in a resurrected and redeemed reality not based on what I see alone.
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Becoming a Mama: Miriam's Birth Story
September 17, 2014 was a life-changing day. September 17, 2014 was a life-giving day for me. Miriam Jubilee Stelter was born!
There is so much to tell but I will try hard to consolidate and tell it well.
I was a week + past due and I went into the clinic to check things out. My parents had just arrived the day before and were here to help should the babe be born soon. At the clinic I found that the fluids in the placenta were much lower than they had been previously and this could be a danger to the baby. Thus, after consulting my parents, my doula Amelia and my man Chris, we decided to go ahead with the induction on September 16.
We went home and ate a heavy meal of black bean/hamburger tacos and I tried to settle down to sleep at 9 p.m. because we were to be at the hospital at the absurdly early hour of 5 a.m. I took a sleeping pill but it didn't kick in for some time. At last I fell asleep and had a handful of hours to gain my strength for the coming adventure. We went in to the hospital bright and much too early trying to make sure we had everything we could possibly need. When we got there they told us we didn't actually need to be there until 7 a.m. Anyway, we got things going a little earlier because of this and it still took us until 7 a.m. to start the pitocin. The morning was fairly uneventful but we called our doula Amelia in and the partner doula came instead, Marie because of various circumstances. We had a terrific, cheerful nurse who was philipino and really down-to-earth. As we came into the afternoon the contractions began to be challenging but I was dealing with them fine. I wasn't making much progress unfortunately and by the time they were getting more and more intense and I just wanted to stop 5 p.m. rolled around and the midwife said to take me off the pitocin so I could eat a good meal and rest for the evening and begin again the next day. My parents brought in chinese food and we went to sleep at 8 p.m.
So the sun rises on September 17, 2014. I am told the doctor from the clinic is coming and wants to break my water. I say we will discuss it when she gets there. Well, she comes and is pretty combative when I ask if it's necessary to get my water broken and find out about the reasons/statistics of it helping. This encounter is very unpleasant but Chris and I decide to get my water broken. Very little fluid leaks out which means that getting the babe out is more urgent than I realized. I start back on the pitocin and things pick up faster but I am still slow in progressing. I move about 1 cm and then stay there. I'm at about 4.5 cm until 3:30 p.m. when after much pain and trying so hard I decide to get an epidural. After the epidural (which Chris questions me about since I had said I originally didn't want one) things go lightning fast! Only 4 hours later I make up all the lost time and I'm fully dilated to a ten! They call the midwife and she gets there about 8 p.m. One blessed thing for sure is that our original doula Amelia ends up being able to be with us as well as Marie at this time. We begin pushing shortly thereafter.
I'm sprawled on the bed with a kajillion wires/monitors but I can change position. It's really hard to know what to do since I still don't have full feeling in my lower half. There are just too many people telling me too many things and the midwife doesn't seem convinced that I am going to deliver naturally as the hours wear on. She asks me about 10:00 if I am willing to keep trying for another hour. I say yes. I am determined but beginning to feel more pain and I need another epidural shot in my side where the pain is beginning to be unbearable and no position seems to help. Getting another flush of the epidural helps and I ask for a mirror and then I see the little hairy head. I am so close! Yet, it's just getting harder and harder to not be completely fatigued. I still have too many people telling me what to do. Finally, around 11 p.m., Dr. Coyle comes in, and as Chris later states, "Once she put on her labor boots I knew she was going to help us do this!" She is a commanding little firecracker of a lady who tells me, "I heard you really want to do this, now let's do it!" and "Poop my fingers out!" It's only a half an hour later and then Miriam Jubilee makes her entrance in a few miraculous minutes coming out like toothpaste out of a tube. She. is. finally. here!
TO BE CONTINUED....
There is so much to tell but I will try hard to consolidate and tell it well.
I was a week + past due and I went into the clinic to check things out. My parents had just arrived the day before and were here to help should the babe be born soon. At the clinic I found that the fluids in the placenta were much lower than they had been previously and this could be a danger to the baby. Thus, after consulting my parents, my doula Amelia and my man Chris, we decided to go ahead with the induction on September 16.
We went home and ate a heavy meal of black bean/hamburger tacos and I tried to settle down to sleep at 9 p.m. because we were to be at the hospital at the absurdly early hour of 5 a.m. I took a sleeping pill but it didn't kick in for some time. At last I fell asleep and had a handful of hours to gain my strength for the coming adventure. We went in to the hospital bright and much too early trying to make sure we had everything we could possibly need. When we got there they told us we didn't actually need to be there until 7 a.m. Anyway, we got things going a little earlier because of this and it still took us until 7 a.m. to start the pitocin. The morning was fairly uneventful but we called our doula Amelia in and the partner doula came instead, Marie because of various circumstances. We had a terrific, cheerful nurse who was philipino and really down-to-earth. As we came into the afternoon the contractions began to be challenging but I was dealing with them fine. I wasn't making much progress unfortunately and by the time they were getting more and more intense and I just wanted to stop 5 p.m. rolled around and the midwife said to take me off the pitocin so I could eat a good meal and rest for the evening and begin again the next day. My parents brought in chinese food and we went to sleep at 8 p.m.
So the sun rises on September 17, 2014. I am told the doctor from the clinic is coming and wants to break my water. I say we will discuss it when she gets there. Well, she comes and is pretty combative when I ask if it's necessary to get my water broken and find out about the reasons/statistics of it helping. This encounter is very unpleasant but Chris and I decide to get my water broken. Very little fluid leaks out which means that getting the babe out is more urgent than I realized. I start back on the pitocin and things pick up faster but I am still slow in progressing. I move about 1 cm and then stay there. I'm at about 4.5 cm until 3:30 p.m. when after much pain and trying so hard I decide to get an epidural. After the epidural (which Chris questions me about since I had said I originally didn't want one) things go lightning fast! Only 4 hours later I make up all the lost time and I'm fully dilated to a ten! They call the midwife and she gets there about 8 p.m. One blessed thing for sure is that our original doula Amelia ends up being able to be with us as well as Marie at this time. We begin pushing shortly thereafter.
I'm sprawled on the bed with a kajillion wires/monitors but I can change position. It's really hard to know what to do since I still don't have full feeling in my lower half. There are just too many people telling me too many things and the midwife doesn't seem convinced that I am going to deliver naturally as the hours wear on. She asks me about 10:00 if I am willing to keep trying for another hour. I say yes. I am determined but beginning to feel more pain and I need another epidural shot in my side where the pain is beginning to be unbearable and no position seems to help. Getting another flush of the epidural helps and I ask for a mirror and then I see the little hairy head. I am so close! Yet, it's just getting harder and harder to not be completely fatigued. I still have too many people telling me what to do. Finally, around 11 p.m., Dr. Coyle comes in, and as Chris later states, "Once she put on her labor boots I knew she was going to help us do this!" She is a commanding little firecracker of a lady who tells me, "I heard you really want to do this, now let's do it!" and "Poop my fingers out!" It's only a half an hour later and then Miriam Jubilee makes her entrance in a few miraculous minutes coming out like toothpaste out of a tube. She. is. finally. here!
TO BE CONTINUED....
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Babies and change (dime a dozen)
I am trying to capture the thoughts I had swirling in my head as I sat in the bathtub. I don't plan to write a lot but I just wanted to say that,
A. Miriam Jubliee is born! How gracious and wondrous and thunderous an event that was and it's altered our world irrevocably ever since then. I will absolutely tell the story on here at some point, just not now.
B. I am long overdue for a post and I also need to put creativity as a priority even though it's difficult with such a tiny one to care for at all times (literally, all times I am thinking of her at least in the back of my mind, it's really full-on to be a parent).
C. We are going to visit Minnesota soon. In merely a week's time we shall be enveloped in a winter wonderful-land with warm friends and family.
Although my thoughts feel lucid I am writing kind of disjointed. I guess that's okay. I just want to get it all down. I won't apologize anymore.
Having a baby is truly a unique (yet nearly universal strangely) experience. I was just thinking earlier; how is it that every person, every singular soul, came into the world as a small innocent being? It's just completely crazy when one starts to truly ponder it.
Another thought I had worth sharing: since we have come to Virginia I have found my life to be quite different and I'm sure that difference will only be augmented now that we are visiting Minnesota several months after leaving. I am sure I will see things quite peculiarly. I am also confronted with the inevitability of change. A few years ago I thought my life couldn't be much better and I really was thriving and didn't want it to change. Now, it's a few years later and although I miss some things I have grown and others have grown and changed too and we just cannot go back and that's okay. It's been said a bajillion times but I guess that's because it's so true: nothing is constant except change. Right, I guess that leads to theology and thinking on God but that's a whole 'nother post. In a way, though, I guess that's a good note to leave on: I am glad God is a constant in a world of change.
Psalm 46:10
God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
A. Miriam Jubliee is born! How gracious and wondrous and thunderous an event that was and it's altered our world irrevocably ever since then. I will absolutely tell the story on here at some point, just not now.
B. I am long overdue for a post and I also need to put creativity as a priority even though it's difficult with such a tiny one to care for at all times (literally, all times I am thinking of her at least in the back of my mind, it's really full-on to be a parent).
C. We are going to visit Minnesota soon. In merely a week's time we shall be enveloped in a winter wonderful-land with warm friends and family.
Although my thoughts feel lucid I am writing kind of disjointed. I guess that's okay. I just want to get it all down. I won't apologize anymore.
Having a baby is truly a unique (yet nearly universal strangely) experience. I was just thinking earlier; how is it that every person, every singular soul, came into the world as a small innocent being? It's just completely crazy when one starts to truly ponder it.
Another thought I had worth sharing: since we have come to Virginia I have found my life to be quite different and I'm sure that difference will only be augmented now that we are visiting Minnesota several months after leaving. I am sure I will see things quite peculiarly. I am also confronted with the inevitability of change. A few years ago I thought my life couldn't be much better and I really was thriving and didn't want it to change. Now, it's a few years later and although I miss some things I have grown and others have grown and changed too and we just cannot go back and that's okay. It's been said a bajillion times but I guess that's because it's so true: nothing is constant except change. Right, I guess that leads to theology and thinking on God but that's a whole 'nother post. In a way, though, I guess that's a good note to leave on: I am glad God is a constant in a world of change.
Psalm 46:10
God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Sittin' in the front yard: a world view
I am sitting in the front yard because my internet (which we had shared with a neighbor) is no longer working. Our neighbor is trying to figure out how to get cheaper service so there's a lull. However, when I sit in the front I can "steal" the internet from the library. It's not super consistent but it works pretty well so that's what I've been doing the past few days.
Anyway, I was just thinking amused to myself that if I didn't have this problem I would not have seen as many people walk by and I would not have realized what a (sometimes literally) colorful part of the city this can be. We are on a main street AKA Main St., in fact, and I'm sure I've seen a handful of homeless folks as well as neighbors and our neighbor (directly next to us) has a hair cutting business so I talked with one of her clients who was smoking outside all about natural birth and his theory of the danger of doctors ironically. Sometimes being inconvenienced is way to shake me out of my stupor and make me realize the world is bigger than what I typically see.
Anyway, I was just thinking amused to myself that if I didn't have this problem I would not have seen as many people walk by and I would not have realized what a (sometimes literally) colorful part of the city this can be. We are on a main street AKA Main St., in fact, and I'm sure I've seen a handful of homeless folks as well as neighbors and our neighbor (directly next to us) has a hair cutting business so I talked with one of her clients who was smoking outside all about natural birth and his theory of the danger of doctors ironically. Sometimes being inconvenienced is way to shake me out of my stupor and make me realize the world is bigger than what I typically see.
Friday, August 8, 2014
Surrender and Sacrifice
I am in week 36 of pregnancy as of tomorrow. 4 more weeks til full term!
Last week, something pretty astonishing happened to me. I felt God directing me that we should go a Mennonite church we had visited once before but weeks earlier and we went. After the service there was a potluck (which always indicates this is a good church to me) and we stayed for it, naturally. After the potluck two ladies came up to me and began some casual conversation with me about how long we'd been in there area, where we were from, my pregnancy, etc. Then, it seemed out of the blue they said, "We were wondering if you would mind if we threw a baby shower for you." I was shocked and flattered. I think I mumbled something like, "Well, yeah, that would be great." I then backtracked a little and mentioned how I had showers in Minnesota when we were there so I didn't need very much but if they just wanted throw me a little party where I could hear from other ladies/moms I wouldn't mind one bit. Anyway, long story short we exchanged phone numbers and they said they'd call me about more details, etc., later. I pretty much can't get over how kind they are and then later I call one of them saying I think it'd be great if they just wanted to bring some meals over after the baby is born but I don't need a shower. She replies, "Well, honestly, that is a separate thing we would do for you anyway." Ok....wow. I have never met such generous, welcoming people in my life. Well, okay then. Despite my inhibitions and second guesses about nearly everything: I think I'm supposed to go this church, hahah.
So, today I went out to lunch with two of the ladies (one in charge of the shower idea) and they are both likely twice my age (at least they have children about my age). It's very nice but one thing I noticed is that while I did a lot of talking about myself and Chris it seemed mostly they talked about their kids who are in their 20s-30s. I felt puzzled for a while -- what about them? What do they like to do? It felt awkward to realize that their children are such a part of their life and and an extension of their life that it probably feels more natural for them to talk about them rather than themselves. I am so near entering their world and it is startling to me. I talk to a younger friend (in her 20s) later during the day and I realize afterwards that I dominated the conversation with talk about the pregnancy/giving birth. Now, I'm not saying that once you give birth to a child that yourself is swallowed up and you don't have any identity apart from that, BUT it is clearly a life-altering event. It redefines and reshapes you in a way that almost nothing else does. I state this, but this is only theory for me at this point.
I am on the threshold of such a change. I will be surrendering to the process of birth itself and then the sacrifice of having to care for and aid a little human being in it's wonderful development will begin. I expect that it will be joyful but difficult. I expect that I will feel literally insane at times for all the effort it will take but I also know that God will be guiding and maybe these ladies coming into my life at this time is exactly what I'd been praying for all along. I think it's crucial for Chris and I to realize we are far from alone in this and I think it will enable us to see the beauty in the giving of ourselves as parents.
Last week, something pretty astonishing happened to me. I felt God directing me that we should go a Mennonite church we had visited once before but weeks earlier and we went. After the service there was a potluck (which always indicates this is a good church to me) and we stayed for it, naturally. After the potluck two ladies came up to me and began some casual conversation with me about how long we'd been in there area, where we were from, my pregnancy, etc. Then, it seemed out of the blue they said, "We were wondering if you would mind if we threw a baby shower for you." I was shocked and flattered. I think I mumbled something like, "Well, yeah, that would be great." I then backtracked a little and mentioned how I had showers in Minnesota when we were there so I didn't need very much but if they just wanted throw me a little party where I could hear from other ladies/moms I wouldn't mind one bit. Anyway, long story short we exchanged phone numbers and they said they'd call me about more details, etc., later. I pretty much can't get over how kind they are and then later I call one of them saying I think it'd be great if they just wanted to bring some meals over after the baby is born but I don't need a shower. She replies, "Well, honestly, that is a separate thing we would do for you anyway." Ok....wow. I have never met such generous, welcoming people in my life. Well, okay then. Despite my inhibitions and second guesses about nearly everything: I think I'm supposed to go this church, hahah.
So, today I went out to lunch with two of the ladies (one in charge of the shower idea) and they are both likely twice my age (at least they have children about my age). It's very nice but one thing I noticed is that while I did a lot of talking about myself and Chris it seemed mostly they talked about their kids who are in their 20s-30s. I felt puzzled for a while -- what about them? What do they like to do? It felt awkward to realize that their children are such a part of their life and and an extension of their life that it probably feels more natural for them to talk about them rather than themselves. I am so near entering their world and it is startling to me. I talk to a younger friend (in her 20s) later during the day and I realize afterwards that I dominated the conversation with talk about the pregnancy/giving birth. Now, I'm not saying that once you give birth to a child that yourself is swallowed up and you don't have any identity apart from that, BUT it is clearly a life-altering event. It redefines and reshapes you in a way that almost nothing else does. I state this, but this is only theory for me at this point.
I am on the threshold of such a change. I will be surrendering to the process of birth itself and then the sacrifice of having to care for and aid a little human being in it's wonderful development will begin. I expect that it will be joyful but difficult. I expect that I will feel literally insane at times for all the effort it will take but I also know that God will be guiding and maybe these ladies coming into my life at this time is exactly what I'd been praying for all along. I think it's crucial for Chris and I to realize we are far from alone in this and I think it will enable us to see the beauty in the giving of ourselves as parents.
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