On Princesses

From the beginning of George MacDonald's "The Princess and the Goblin":

THERE was once a little princess who—

"But Mr. Author, why do you always write about princesses?"

"Because every little girl is a princess."

"You will make them vain if you tell them that."

"Not if they understand what I mean."

"Then what do you mean?"

"What do you mean by a princess?"

"The daughter of a king."

"Very well, then every little girl is a princess, and there would be no need to say anything about it, except that she is always in danger of forgetting her rank, and behaving as if she had grown out of the mud. I have seen little princesses behave like children of thieves and lying beggars, and that is why they need to be told they are princesses. And that is why when I tell a story of this kind, I like to tell it about a princess. Then I can say better what I mean, because I can then give her every beautiful thing I want her to have."

"Please go on."

There was once a little princess whose father was king over a great country full of mountains and valleys. His palace was built upon one of the mountains, and was very grand and beautiful. The princess, whose name was Irene, was born there, but she was sent soon after her birth, because her mother was not very strong, to be brought up by country people in a large house, half castle, half farmhouse, on the side of another mountain, about half-way between its base and its peak...

Working in a preschool I get my fair share of princesses as you can imagine.  I have been compared to a princess and also been informed that the little girls I work with are princesses as well as being a scribe for a handful of stapled together "books" containing stories about the girls who are little princesses.  Oh yeah, and then there is the ever-invasive Disney princesses which are not so terrible as I first thought, but also don't do justice to what I believe George MacDonald gets at in the beginning of "The Princess and Goblin."  Princess Irene, if ever there was one, is the real deal in princess stories.  She is simply uncommon.
When I was a little girl I was not into dolls or dresses or anything remotely like princesses.  I just didn't seem to care about any "girly" thing.  According to my mom, I liked to draw and I liked to run around and be a "little monkey." However, after reading the "Princess and the Goblin" and having my eyes widened to this great world I see. what. the. princess. thing. is. about.
Like a poet, I know I cannot quite put it into words, but, it's something about being lovely. A daughter of a king ought to be lovely simply on basis of being the king's daughter, shan't she?  If she is not, as George MacDonald says, she will at least need to hear these things about herself so that she might start to grow into truly having this quality.  I shy away from saying thing like "I am a daughter of a KING," (really the King of Creation) and yet when I find myself aware of this my whole being changes.  I begin to act it because I begin to believe it...and that is what being a princess is about.      

Psalm 21:1-6 (King changed to princess)

"O LORD in your strength the princess will be glad

And in your salvation how greatly she will rejoice!

You have given her her heart's desire,

And you have not withheld the requests of her lips.  Selah

For you meet her with the blessings of good things, 

You have set a crown of fine gold on her head.

She asked life of you

You gave it to her,

Length of days forever and ever 

Her glory (through Jesus) is great through your salvation,

Splendor and majesty you place upon her.

For you make her joyful with gladness in your presence."

Falling backwards and forwards

In high school I had a mad crush on a boy.  This boy wrote a work that was in the literary arts magazine I helped put together and one of the first lines was something like this:

"Do you ever feel like you are constantly falling backwards or forwards 4 years from where you are?"

For some reason that line stuck with me and sometimes when I am in a state of reflection I think of it.  I guess it's because it's truth.  It's hard to be in the place I am right now and I often think of things in the past that I miss or in the future that I yearn to come to be.

Hmmm....today, right where I am.  Right now.  Jesus, you want me right now, right where I am.

Jesus, you call me from the place I stand.  There is nothing that you don't permeate.  There is nothing beyond your Grace.
 

Hard to get torn at the roots...need Light and Water to repair it

"Hard to get torn at the roots...need Light and Water to repair it" is what I wrote in my journal the other day as I was thinking about the sweeping changes Chris and I have made as we are now in Mankato away from our community in Minneapolis.

Some people find a "community" in high school, some in college; but for me it was these last several years in Minneapolis post-college.  I felt like I finally connected and had a circle (and circles) of people I belonged to.  Not everyone being a close friend but a definite level of trust and recognition. 

Anyway, now that we are here in Mankato I have realized that in some ways I had become comfortable in that community giving me my sense of self worth.  Yes, I loved God within it and grew in my love for God and others because of it; but I also began to let it be a kind of idol that told me who I was.  The truth is that only God can tell us who we are and He always does so in the most beautiful, startling and yet profoundly calming, way.

These thoughts also grow out of my reading Don Miller's book "Searching for God Knows What."  He talks a lot about how we are wired to be in relationship.  He even states that if aliens were visiting us the thing they would notice the most is how much we are constantly comparing ourselves to each other.  We are wired to want affirmation.  The reason this instinct (so to speak) is so strong is that we are designed to be in a relationship with God who tells us who we are.  I think of facebook (and even this blog) where it has become the norm to constantly tell an audience what you are doing/thinking/feeling.  It's so obvious that we want others to affirm us (notice how there is only a "like" button and not a "dislike" one on facebook).

Getting back to what I was talking about earlier, as I realized how I had grown to depend of community and I step away from it into a kind of "void" here in Mankato I feel again a little like I did in high school and parts of college.  I am a maverick of sorts - not quite fitting in but able to roll with the punches with my few friends.  I am proud and yet I know I need community just as much as I did before.  Even more, I need God and thankfully the book "Searching for God Knows What" really hits on God's earnest desire for a relationship with us and has pulled me back in this direction.  God's love is so out of control -- it's a sheer astonishment.  We are sometimes caught in words and ideas of God rather than actually loving God for who He is. I have been refreshed by being called out to love Him and not just my imagination/a set of precepts.  He is the Light and Water that can repair my roots and keep me like a tree by the waters.

"This is what the Lord says:

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
    who draws strength from mere flesh
    and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
⁶ That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
    they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
    in a salt land where no one lives.

⁷ “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
    whose confidence is in him.
⁸ They will be like a tree planted by the water
    that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
    its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
    and never fails to bear fruit.”

Jeremiah 17:5-8

Christianity and Cynicism

I've noticed a trend in our culture at large of cynicism.  For example, the romantic comedy Chris and I watched recently didn't have a "happy ending" but left it with the woman protagonist more or less realizing it probably wouldn't work out.  It was all very post-post-modern.

So this kind of cynicism seems to have seeped into my circles of christian culture too.  It is popular (or maybe common is a better word) in these circles to be self-deprecating and cynical about sin.  Humility is one thing, but this isn't humility because it doesn't acknowledge the power and goodness of God in our own lives.  Instead, it goes around saying "woe is me" and "woe is the world" but not expecting change to come.  I want to say that I am not minimizing any hardships someone may go through.  I know that life is not simple but I believe God calls us to hope and believe (2 Corinthians 4:7-18 is one of my favorite passages that speaks strongly about these things).  We are earthen vessels, cracked pots with great power shining in us.

We need to have our eyes opened to the blinding truth that God's love is resoundingly infinite.  He will not leave us in sin and sorrow.  Our lives will not be easy, but with the Spirit of God our lives will be astonishingly redeemed.  I am speaking this to myself right now as much as anyone reading this:

I pray for new life and hope and that we'd be earnestly humble to see the KING work.

ISAIAH 59 was prophesied and prayed for over me a while back and I am awed by it:

"cry aloud, do not hold back; raise your voice like a trumpet, and declare to my people their transgression and to the house of Jacob their sins.  
yet they seek Me day by day and delight to know my ways, as nation that has done righteousness and has not forsaken the ordinance of God.
they ask me for just decisions, they delight in the nearness of God, "why have we fasted and You do not see? why have we humbled ourselves and you did not notice? behold, on the day of your fast you find your desire and drive hard all your workers. behold you fast for contention and strife and to strike with a wicked fist.  you do not fast like you do today to make your voice heard on high.  
is it a fast like this which i choose, a day for a man to humble himself? is it for bowing one's head like a reed and for spreading out sackcloth and ashes as a bed? 
will you call this a fast, even an acceptable day to the Lord? 
is this not the fast I choose: to loosen the bonds of wickedness, to undo the bands of the yoke, and to let the oppressed go free and break every yoke? 
is it not to divide your bread with the hungry and to bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him; and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

then your light will break out like the dawn, and your recovery will speedily spring forth; and your righteousness will go before you; the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. 
then you will call and the Lord will answer; you will cry and He will say, 'Here I am'
if you remove the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness, and if you give yourself to the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your gloom will become like midday.
and the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a well-watered garden, and like a spring whose waters do not fail.
those from among you will rebuild the ancient ruins; you will raise up the age-old foundations; and you will be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of the streets in which to dwell.

if because of the sabbath, you turn your foot from doing your own pleasure on My holy day, and call the sabbath a delight, the holy day of the Lord honorable,
and honor it, desisting from your own ways, from seeking your own pleasure and speaking your own word.
then you will take delight in the Lord and I will make you ride on the heights of the earth; and I will feed you with the heritage of jacob your father, for the mouth of the Lord has spoken."

Learning/Teaching the Bare Necessities of Life

Again, it's been a while since I've posted.  Not sure when the last one was but it feels like I have aged more than the time that has elapsed.  Then again, that's probably just the PMS and late Sunday evening mood talking. ;o)

I've been enjoying my job which is something I could not have said very much of jobs I've had in the past. I feel truly blessed to be in this position.  I don't deny that there are real challenges but I actually feel that I am making a difference in my job.

I am working with very young children from the ages of 3-5 years old and one thing that has struck me in this is how much I am learning myself just by constantly teaching the essentials in my words and actions.
Being human is something really so basic and yet jarringly difficult.  The foundations of these things seem to start with the age I work with.  I get to teach (by word and action) such things as getting along with others, identifying emotions in oneself and others, knowing yourself, fairness, kindness, how to clean up after yourself, thoughtfulness, etc.  Adults, myself included, continually struggle with these essentials.  Then there are just what's out in the world that we should know about: seasons, planets, holidays, cultures, animals, numbers, letters and many other permutations of these things!  Naturally, being married to a physicist, I am a believer in never stopping learning in all of these areas. :o)

Another thing I'm profoundly blessed by in this job is having an hour break.  I have been going to the park across the street and having a "picnic" everyday for a while now at one of the picnic tables.  I love this because it doesn't take me all that long to eat (maybe 20 minutes) and then I can use the rest of the time to pray and journal and "marinate" in the Holy Spirit's urgings as well as my own reflections.  This time is invaluable.  When the weather gets colder I'll probably just stay inside in the office or on occasion drive home (I'm only 8 minutes away) but for now it's rapturously restorative.

Yes, so there are some things in Mankato I've taken a shine to including my work.  I feel completely right about it which is something I've had issues with for a long time so it's actually a pivotal praise.  However, Chris and I still dearly miss our friends in Minneapolis and long for a church and friendships that could be as much loved and lauded!  Please pray for that if you are listening.

Shalom to all you all.

Kimberly

One foot in Minneapolis, one foot in Mankato and an elbow in Vadnais Heights

Chris and I have moved from Minneapolis to Mankato but we are in Vadnais Heights staying with his parents at the moment.

Our lives are weird.

The complications come from him having to train in a new guy at his dad's work and our car not working.  We have not working car as of right now. 

Anyway, I did get to spend some quality time in Mankato getting unpacked and set up more comfortably and although it's no Minneapolis I'm starting to like it.  Among my experiences: a traveling hippie artist lady gave me an amethyst after she found out I was new to Mankato because she had just taken it from the ground and it was fresh and so was I.  :o)  That was really a blessing to me!  I also got to go to the genuine "Mutch" Hardware store in North Mankato via bike and I watched 8-10 year old boys skateboard in the back "parking lot" as I wrote a letter.  They asked me if they could skate there and all I said was it was fine by me as long as they didn't hit the car.

In a lot of ways, although Mankato is certainly not free from the big city woes, I do find it's small townishness regenerating to my spirit.  It's a little more innocent a touch more naive than Minneapolis.  It makes me also love Minneapolis and have more compassion for those at Jesus Kitchen especially.  Yes, this move is likely a good thing.

The End of an Era

"Leaving Minneapolis is like leaving a lover/You've got so much history you just don't want it to be over."

I've never left a lover and so my writing those lyrics might seem kind of ridiculous (even without the tackiness factor) but I do truly feel like Minneapolis is a dear, dear friend I'm parting ways with (even if it's just for a while).

I guess the truth is what I love most about Minneapolis is the friendships I've developed here.  The people, the community of communities itself, is what makes it hard to leave.

I'm rooted in this forest.  I can't even begin to list the things I'll miss, but I suppose I will:

1.  Our housemates Jane, Lydia and Mary...our little community house has had it's rough patches but I love everyone and have been blessed so much by being in this together.
2.  The beauty that surrounds the house we're in: it's proximity to the Mississippi river, the big park, the Greenway bike trail, the garden space, the ability to go out and just rest in the yard, etc.
3.  Our neighbors that we've gotten to know; the East African family next to us just invited us to dinner and we hung out with them last week, our neighbor Mel, other quirky friendly neighbors; particularly Richard who plants tomatoes and green beans in his front boulevard and encourages people to pick them.
4.  The Seward Co-op and being able to bike there.  All the hippies in Seward.  :o)

Jane, me and Chris at the Art Shanties after we did the bike ice race

5.  Jesus Kitchen hugely!  We will be trying to come back once a month (this we are committed to but realize we must be flexible as well).  Chris and I met there.  These last 9 months or so we've essentially led it and feel very vested in it.  We love the people we know through it and fully intend to continue those friendships.  We love sharing God's love and being challenged by what's really going on with people's hearts and heads.
6.  Hard Times (in a lot of ways Hard Times is somewhat synonymous with Jesus Kitchen to me because we most always hang out there after the Kitchen).  It's punk flavor that still seems to let so many others spill into it's doors and co-exist: college students, refugees and immigrants, people just looking for others to be with/contemplate with).  I will also miss it's super cheap and good food.
7. Our official church, Seward Church.  We've grown with it and kept on seeing people come and go.  Good times even in hard times (heh, seems like a pun from the previous listing).  I've come to see my need for Jesus in real ways through doing life with people there and hearing the Word.
8.  Salvage Yard Community: it seems this spans just Tuesday night service.  Hanging out at Greenhouse Potluck and doing Jesus Kitchen has probably helped us continue on in these connections.
9. Greenhouse Potluck:  bringing people together for food!  Playing silly games and feeling at home in a home away from home.
10.  The rich diversity of the neighborhoods in general:  I love the midtown area where so many cultures meet.  I love how Minnesota's Lutheran roots have created a social system where many immigrants feel safe and find their needs meet.  I pray that will happen more.

THERE ARE SO MANY FLIPPING REASONS I'M GOING TO MISS YOU, MINNEAPOLIS!