Where-ever I am (Smacking myself in the Face with Reality)

       I am sitting here in the Hy-Vee dining area in Mankato drinking my $1.75 coffee from the Starbuck's kiosk that I paid.16 cent for (because I used a gift card).  I know, not very romantic...not very typical to describe the mundane like this for me but I had a thought just a little while ago as I was here.  I looked outside to the horizon (here's the romantic in me again) and I thought, "looks like a suburb...wish I was in Minneapolis."  Then I thought..."the better half of my time I am wishing I was somewhere else...this is not healthy."  It just smacked me in the face that I need to just realize that I am here in Mankato -- for better or worse.  I don't love it here but I don't hate it.  I have found some things that I appreciate though to help me -- going on walks and hikes or bike rides for one.  There is a good church here with some pretty solid teaching, worship and friendly enough people.  There is a women's craft collective with an emphasis on crossing cultures with women who have immigrated here with refugee status and women who have lived in the States their whole lives.  I, at least, get to work with children and even do music with them.  I actually have quite a few things to be thankful about.  I also am with my Love, the man I married and even though it's not all rainbows and tulips and sunshine all the time, we love each other and still know how to have fun.  I am glad he is here to do the thing he feels called to do - physics - and I am proud of that.
        The truth is that the Holy Spirit can use me wherever I am and I just need to be willing.  I need to be willing to take the mundane and make it holy.  That stereotypical suburban looking mom in the Starbucks line, maybe she needs encouragement?  I mean, I guess I'm just telling myself I need to realize that just because I'm not doing the thing I *love* and feel "fits" me doesn't mean that God can't use me.  I need to get over myself and my snobbery and ask God what he wants me to do right now.  It may be actually talking to someone who I have some preconceived notion about and not judging them.  It may be seeing the good things in my life instead of focusing on what I don't have.  It may very well be all that and more.

On Princesses

From the beginning of George MacDonald's "The Princess and the Goblin":

THERE was once a little princess who—

"But Mr. Author, why do you always write about princesses?"

"Because every little girl is a princess."

"You will make them vain if you tell them that."

"Not if they understand what I mean."

"Then what do you mean?"

"What do you mean by a princess?"

"The daughter of a king."

"Very well, then every little girl is a princess, and there would be no need to say anything about it, except that she is always in danger of forgetting her rank, and behaving as if she had grown out of the mud. I have seen little princesses behave like children of thieves and lying beggars, and that is why they need to be told they are princesses. And that is why when I tell a story of this kind, I like to tell it about a princess. Then I can say better what I mean, because I can then give her every beautiful thing I want her to have."

"Please go on."

There was once a little princess whose father was king over a great country full of mountains and valleys. His palace was built upon one of the mountains, and was very grand and beautiful. The princess, whose name was Irene, was born there, but she was sent soon after her birth, because her mother was not very strong, to be brought up by country people in a large house, half castle, half farmhouse, on the side of another mountain, about half-way between its base and its peak...

Working in a preschool I get my fair share of princesses as you can imagine.  I have been compared to a princess and also been informed that the little girls I work with are princesses as well as being a scribe for a handful of stapled together "books" containing stories about the girls who are little princesses.  Oh yeah, and then there is the ever-invasive Disney princesses which are not so terrible as I first thought, but also don't do justice to what I believe George MacDonald gets at in the beginning of "The Princess and Goblin."  Princess Irene, if ever there was one, is the real deal in princess stories.  She is simply uncommon.
When I was a little girl I was not into dolls or dresses or anything remotely like princesses.  I just didn't seem to care about any "girly" thing.  According to my mom, I liked to draw and I liked to run around and be a "little monkey." However, after reading the "Princess and the Goblin" and having my eyes widened to this great world I see. what. the. princess. thing. is. about.
Like a poet, I know I cannot quite put it into words, but, it's something about being lovely. A daughter of a king ought to be lovely simply on basis of being the king's daughter, shan't she?  If she is not, as George MacDonald says, she will at least need to hear these things about herself so that she might start to grow into truly having this quality.  I shy away from saying thing like "I am a daughter of a KING," (really the King of Creation) and yet when I find myself aware of this my whole being changes.  I begin to act it because I begin to believe it...and that is what being a princess is about.      

Psalm 21:1-6 (King changed to princess)

"O LORD in your strength the princess will be glad

And in your salvation how greatly she will rejoice!

You have given her her heart's desire,

And you have not withheld the requests of her lips.  Selah

For you meet her with the blessings of good things, 

You have set a crown of fine gold on her head.

She asked life of you

You gave it to her,

Length of days forever and ever 

Her glory (through Jesus) is great through your salvation,

Splendor and majesty you place upon her.

For you make her joyful with gladness in your presence."

small things with great love

I've been reading "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne and it's simultaneously very challenging and very inspiring.  One of the people he quotes in his book is Mother Teresa (who he "interned" with in Calcutta for a summer), she emphasizes that we do "small things with great love" rather than focusing on doing "big" things with little love.  That is something I've been thinking about and trying to practice lately.  I have found myself doing this as I just take each day as it comes (although to be real sometimes I also fail miserably).

Today I substitute taught in a school that I always brace myself for because there is bound to be chaos and lots of misbehavior.  However, I felt like today went rather well considering.  I actually got some help from a social worker who sat in a majority of the classes leading one of the reading groups.  It helped tremendously to have her there!  Also, I had a few bright points in my day where I got to share personally with the kids (middle schoolers).  I introduced myself to this general "advisory" class that is supposed to focus on study skills and the like and I actually told them I like substitute teaching because it's different every day and I like variety.  I also told them that I like sledding and had all the kids share one thing they like about winter.  All in all, it was fun to hear their responses.  Then, later, I was trying to teach a small group of girls about goal setting and I was using an example of myself and how I like to write songs and this one cute Hmong girl just lit up when I told them that. She said, "You write songs, like rap?"  I told her no, more like folk or pop rock.  She was still interested though  :0)
Later in the day, after we had read through an article and answered some questions about it I let a boy draw and he showed me the anime characters he could draw and told me how it took him a really long time to learn to draw them.  I showed him how to do some of the "mathy" drawings Vi Hart does and I gave him the web address (you should check it out - Vihart.com!) so he could learn how to draw/doodle more cool things.  It was fun to connect with kids in that way.

I've just realized, I guess, that as I come in to substitute I have to have an attitude of love because I am doing this not just to get a paycheck but help children learn and they will only want to learn if they know I love them (even if it's hard to show in just one day, I can show them somewhat by how I respond to them and my attitude overall).  It truly matters.  I only want them to learn things because I love them anyway (and I am called to love all people because God made them, and the Holy Spirit helps me do this).  Lord knows I always need his grace to do this in all areas in my life.  Life is about small things with great love, not "big" things without much love.