Coffee and Chocolate

It is lent season.  I am a newbie at observing lent.  Yet I like it. 

I kind of observed lent two years ago trying to give up "criticism" -- honestly one of my flaws in my marriage relationship.  It was actually really good for me to do that.  Last year I gave up facebook which was shockingly easy.  I didn't really want to go on facebook after I made a point not to go on it after two weeks.  I knew I wasn't missing anything.  In fact, going back on facebook was weird.  I realized how surface level it can be and it didn't have much to draw me back in.  I had developed closer relationships with people that I saw in real life -- so it was definitely valuable.  I am on facebook again but generally limit myself to Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday in checking it.  This year I decided to give up my growing coffee addiction and chocolate.  I'll be real in saying that just last week I counted the days and couldn't believe I had so much longer to go.  Haha.

So, as of yet I ate a tiny bit of cacao (which is what chocolate is derived from) in a raw fruit dessert I made for my housemate's birthday.  I honestly didn't know cacao was chocolate until my friends pointed it out to me.  I decided to eat it anyway since it was such a different form and not one I had ever tried that I can remember.  Chocolate has been relatively easy to give up.  Definitely there are times I see something chocolate that I really want -- and I almost justified eating a chocolate mousse because it wasn't a "chocolate bar" -- most of my standard intake of chocolate is.  However, I was convicted by a friend.  Hehe.  Coffee has been a different story.  It's not so much that I crave it.  I do want it sometimes, but more so for the physical/chemical effect it gives -- the zoom.  I have been allowing myself more naps and enjoying that new rhythm.  However, I am grateful it has not been cloudy and instead gloriously sunny lately.

Even though I am doing fine in not having chocolate or coffee I wonder if I am fasting "right".  I don't want to do something legalistically or even just do it out of habit.  I want to be contemplative of why I am doing it.  The idea behind lent as far as I understand it is to sacrifice something as an act of identifying with Jesus Christ who sacrificed his place in heaven (for a time) to be with us on earth and even sacrificed himself for sin so "him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God" (2 Corinthians 5:21).  This is absolutely crazy beautiful.  I want to focus my energy and thoughts on this more.  I want a closer relationship with the Maker of all good things so by giving some up I can appreciate more.

If you wish, what are you doing for lent, if anything?  Why?  How's it going?

"Love Songs"

Earlier this morning I was listening to the "Feist" station on Pandora and I was surprised by how many "love songs" were playing.  I guess I typically avoid that kind of music (even though I do like Feist).  However, It is pretty difficult  to listen to pop music of any kind without hitting a "love song".  Now you many be wondering why I am putting "love song" in quotes.  I felt compelled to put it in the quotations because as I was listening to the lyrics (a very important part of the music for me) I realized just how selfish and childish sounding most of the songs were. They were not so much about love that endures, a love that is faithful like the one described in 1 Corinthians 13, but about a feeling, even sometimes it seemed, just hormonal compulsion, and maybe at it's grandest, a reflection on life.

Now, to many people, maybe this is what "love" is...I don't know.  Yeah, it probably is.  :o( How disappointing and trite if that's what "love" relationships end up being.

I am grateful that Jesus calls me to a much greater love than that.  I am grateful for the imperfection and yet commitment I experience through Chris and my marriage.  We have our struggles but our marriage (our love) is based on something and Someone who created the Heavens and Earth and sustains them by His being.  Our "love" (blast that word, it's been so abused!) is something that expands with us.  It is not in a dream, it is not in a vaccuum.  It is shaped and forged and strengthened and even spilled out in and on a community of friends and family.  

I am going to put all of 1 Corinthians 13 on here and I want to note that I know this isn't about a marriage or love relationship -- but it's explanation of love is the one all kinds of love need -- friendship, family, marriage, community, etc.  How much greater and deeper and richer is that love of Jesus (and how much greater and deeper and richer does it make our lives).

1 Corinthians 13
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice with unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge , it will be done away.  For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.  When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.  For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.  But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; bu the greatest of these is love."

I can finally share my music!

I created a bandcamp page so now folks can listen to some of my music:

http://kimberlystelter.bandcamp.com/album/i-cant-do-anything-without-you

Hopefully the link will work.

I was stuck today by the short biography of St. Anthony in my Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals book.  Here it is:

Anthony of Egypt (251-336)

Anthony was born in Egypt in the middle of the third century and lost his parents at a young age, inheriting a fair amount of land and wealth.  Soon after, when he heard a gospel reading in church prompting him to "go sell what you possess and give it to the poor," he did just that, vowing to dedicate his life thereafter to God.  Anthony lived for a time in his native home, pursuing prayerful asceticism.  After fifteen years, at the age of thirty-five, he withdrew to the solitude of the desert and began his monastic life of prayer, study and work.  After many years of living in the desert, Anthony remained whole and healthy, and he radiated compassion and joy.  He lived to the age of 105 and is remembered as the father of the church's first monastic movement.

Pretty extraordinary.

Reflecting a bit on his life made me realize how I am not so devoted to God as I would like to portray myself.  I wrote a song called "Devotion" prompted by the Spirit.  I am still working through it but maybe I'll put it on the bandcamp page when I feel ready.  Here is a little taste of some of the lyrics though: 

"You ask me if I truly love You/  Love is not emotion or even a rule/ I must follow You and look the fool/ Feeding sheep, orphans, and widows too."

The start of a song...or just a silly poem?

There is a lack of what whitens Winter in these here parts.

As I biked (yes, biked) from the co-op I sang this little song:

I wonder where the snow did go?
Minnesota Winter, you ain't so cold
By this time I shoulda froze
But here I am biking on a road

I wonder where the snow did go?
Minnesota Winter, you ain't so cold
And if I may be so bold
Green and brown, you're getting old


slower, dreamy like:
Snow, oh snow, with snow there's something magical
Sun and snow, I wish I had them both
Now I see, global warming might be happening


I wonder where the snow did go?
Minnesota winter, you ain't so cold
Although I like you, don't you know
Autumn-like weather, you got to go!
 
If you can think of another verse, add on!  It's kind of fun.  And yes, I do want it to snow!

Mary v. Martha

This past week or so I've been feeling much, much too busy.  In the North American advent season, it seems it is almost unavoidable to get caught in the Christmas rush.

Which is ironic since we're supposedly waiting.  

Yet how many times do I say I am seeking God, longing for Him, when I am actually just devising my own plans because I feel like I don't have time for being with Him.  Sadly, much too much.

So, it's Mary v. Martha: either sit at His feet and be captured by His Love and His Spirit, or be distracted by all the things there are to do.

Advent/Poetry

Hello folks out there!

It is the Christmas (Advent) season and I am getting more excited for it.   I like following the church calendar more. 

Anyway, I shared an "illustrated" poem this weekend at the art crawl we participated in at my church.  It was the poem entitled "Spot" about my dearly beloved car (which went from being kind of ghetto with one mismatched door to an art car that stated "King Jesus is the Living Water" on the back).  The poem is actually the first entry on this blog.  :o)  I had a painting I did for Chris and some origami in the show as well.  I also played ukulele and sang with my friend Jane.  Although there weren't many people there were some friends who came by who I told about the show and I think it was a success. 

Most of all, it made me think of how I used to write poetry.  I wrote a poem just this last week.  It's kind of a sad poem but I think it conveys an experience we can all relate to well.


Tuesday Afternoon

There is always something like this,
Something misplaced that shouldn't be
Something of monetary value 
Making tiny tears wisp my eyelids
Causing me to stare out into the open from my car window
Noticing the design of that house's siding
The blue of the sky behind it
And wondering, why am I here?
More misplaced on a Tuesday afternoon
Than the item I look for

"I can't do anything without You"

Well, folks....I have to admit that right now I have been hit with a brick of insecurity.  It may have to do with Jane and I trying to record some songs together to make an "album" -- all of a sudden I feel very uncertain of myself and what  I'm doing with music.  It's not that I'm going to try to make money off of this.  The idea is to make something I can give to family and friends as a Christmas gift.  However, it's bringing up all kinds of doubts.  Perhaps in my heart I do dream to be good enough of an artist that people will want to listen to my music who don't even know me.  I'm so very shy when it comes to actually performing in front of people though -- even good friends sometimes.  I feel it is one of those areas in my life God still is working on in me.

God, may Your kingdom come and You will be done in my life here.  As I sang: I can't do anything without you.  I can't do good on my own.  It's true. 

Please restore my confidence and let it be by your Grace.

All those who read this: I appreciate your prayers in this as well.  Thanks.