Sometime's being someone's friend...

is like capturing fireflies in a jar.

Difficult, worth it, but not something you can force - it takes a little serendipity and yields wonder when it happens.

Where-ever I am (Smacking myself in the Face with Reality)

       I am sitting here in the Hy-Vee dining area in Mankato drinking my $1.75 coffee from the Starbuck's kiosk that I paid.16 cent for (because I used a gift card).  I know, not very romantic...not very typical to describe the mundane like this for me but I had a thought just a little while ago as I was here.  I looked outside to the horizon (here's the romantic in me again) and I thought, "looks like a suburb...wish I was in Minneapolis."  Then I thought..."the better half of my time I am wishing I was somewhere else...this is not healthy."  It just smacked me in the face that I need to just realize that I am here in Mankato -- for better or worse.  I don't love it here but I don't hate it.  I have found some things that I appreciate though to help me -- going on walks and hikes or bike rides for one.  There is a good church here with some pretty solid teaching, worship and friendly enough people.  There is a women's craft collective with an emphasis on crossing cultures with women who have immigrated here with refugee status and women who have lived in the States their whole lives.  I, at least, get to work with children and even do music with them.  I actually have quite a few things to be thankful about.  I also am with my Love, the man I married and even though it's not all rainbows and tulips and sunshine all the time, we love each other and still know how to have fun.  I am glad he is here to do the thing he feels called to do - physics - and I am proud of that.
        The truth is that the Holy Spirit can use me wherever I am and I just need to be willing.  I need to be willing to take the mundane and make it holy.  That stereotypical suburban looking mom in the Starbucks line, maybe she needs encouragement?  I mean, I guess I'm just telling myself I need to realize that just because I'm not doing the thing I *love* and feel "fits" me doesn't mean that God can't use me.  I need to get over myself and my snobbery and ask God what he wants me to do right now.  It may be actually talking to someone who I have some preconceived notion about and not judging them.  It may be seeing the good things in my life instead of focusing on what I don't have.  It may very well be all that and more.

Sugar and Sin

So, I should begin by stating I am doing MUCH, MUCH better.  I do think it was/is good for me to question but I want to assure you all that I actually am pretty much solid in faith now.  After a few days I wrote out a lot of the things God has done for me in my life either in a very supernatural way or a very personal way (or both).  That testimony to myself made me remember why I could trust God and the Bible (although I can't explain or phantom all that is in it).  Perhaps I need to work out things more myself but I think it was more of an emotional crisis than an intellectual one.  I have always leaned more towards emotional dealings anyway.  I welcome all your thoughts/comments on this.  Mostly I just wanted to let you know I am doing fine and feeling closer to God even in slight ambiguity.  In fact, part of what draws me to God is the Mystery.

On to "sugar and sin": the reason I decided to title this post that is because for lent (well, to be honest, I think it's kind of more of an experiment) but PARTLY for lent I've decided to try and forgo sugar.  That sounds a little easier (or harder?) than it is.  Even though I already buy minimally processed foods and mostly organic/natural foods I have already found that I've eaten sugar in salsa and bacon by accident!  Sugar is in almost everything -- even bread.  So, I'm eating Ezekiel bread right now and might make some bread with honey or get a bread from the bakery that doesn't have any sugar in it (rye?).  I don't know.  I am also trying to give up discouragement (mostly for my husband) and replace it with encouragement.  That is more of my "real" lent fast.

So far I've definitely had cravings which is partly why I'm trying to fast from sugar.  I realized I've been using it as a crutch.  I'm also curious to see if I do have more energy and feel better if I don't eat if for a while.  Well, as I said before sugar is pervasive and although I certainly don't think it's a sin to eat sugar it made me think of the Bible Study we went to earlier tonight.  We read Ephesians 4:17-5:20; here it is in full:

¹⁷ So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. ¹⁸ They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. ¹⁹ Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.

²⁰ That, however, is not the way of life you learned ²¹ when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. ²² You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; ²³ to be made new in the attitude of your minds; ²⁴ and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

²⁵ Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. ²⁶ “In your anger do not sin”^[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷ and do not give the devil a foothold. ²⁸ Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands,that they may have something to share with those in need.

²⁹ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ³⁰ And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

5 ¹ Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children ² and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
³ But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. ⁴ Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.⁵ For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.^[a] 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. ⁷ Therefore do not be partners with them.
⁸ For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light⁹ (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) ¹⁰ and find out what pleases the Lord. ¹¹ Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. ¹² It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.¹³ But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. ¹⁴ This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper,
    rise from the dead,
    and Christ will shine on you.”

¹⁵ Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, ¹⁶ making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. ¹⁷ Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. ¹⁸ Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, ¹⁹ speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, ²⁰ always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Alright, so I know that's a lot.  It's a lot and the reason I bring it up is because just reading it made me think of fasting from sugar.  Sugar is in nearly everything.  Reading through this passage made me realize sin is in nearly everything as well.  Just thinking of anger, greed or foolish talk (ok, this happens) and I'm already out.  Then I realize, it's not that I am called out to give sins I am also called to replace them with good things.  It's not so simple as not doing something as much of our culture presumes.  I like that there is a positive for every negative, so to speak.  For example, "Be careful, then, how you live-- not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil."  Anyway, realizing this in full it's no wonder I need the Holy Spirit!  I most definitely NEED to be "made new in the attitude of my mind; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." -Ephesians 4:24

So, yeah, there's some food (without sugar hopefully) for thought.  Haha.  It's interesting how fasting from something or even being intentional about doing/forming a new habit really brings things into clearer focus.  It's like, oh, wow, I need God to save me from sin and recreate me into the person I really am.  Yeah.

Cat-bus

I have been busy and not thinking I have much to say, thus, the lull in posts.

Yeah, but I did a drawing of a cat-bus today (from the classic anime movie My Neighbor Totoro) which I plan to send to a friend in a care package this week. I tried to turn it but it won't work for me so I guess I'll just post it looking like it's about to rocket into the sky.

"Cat-bus" is also what my husband and I call the kitty that lives above us since it sounds as loud as a cat-bus.
:o)



I feel like my winter blues have passed and I'm getting into new things.  I've started volunteering by attending a Women's Craft Cooperative designed to get immigrants, refugees and native Minnesotans to mix and have fun doing crafts, speaking English, and sharing life.  I learned to knit there just this Friday.  I also went to a "Re-skills" workshop where we learned about baking bread.  I am baking my own bread right now!  See, an old dog can learn new tricks...hehe.

Well, just wanted to say hey and wish you all a vivifying day/evening.

Mary v. Martha

This past week or so I've been feeling much, much too busy.  In the North American advent season, it seems it is almost unavoidable to get caught in the Christmas rush.

Which is ironic since we're supposedly waiting.  

Yet how many times do I say I am seeking God, longing for Him, when I am actually just devising my own plans because I feel like I don't have time for being with Him.  Sadly, much too much.

So, it's Mary v. Martha: either sit at His feet and be captured by His Love and His Spirit, or be distracted by all the things there are to do.