A Murder of Crows

           I witnessed a murder of crows.

          No, not the kind where crows are mercilessly munched on by a pterodactyl (wouldn't that be something?!) but the kind where crows glide around the sky and call to each other in their distinctive caw. Momentarily they may stop to rest on a wisp of a tree branch and then take up flight again.

         I am not sure what they were talking about (although it could have been bloody and sundered wing of some bird laying much lower in the valley below)  but watching them made me pause.  They were, although merely crows,  majestic as they soared circling the treetops. I breathed out in wonder, "What did we forfeit?"  Something so beautiful that I saw has been lost in our good intentions for "civilization."  Understand that while I know that the natural world is not redeemed any more (or any less) than humanity it appears to be something not so shrouded by evil. 

        As I stood there watching, 1 Corinthians 1:27-28 came to mind: "But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are."

        Humanity has the pride that does not seem to accompany the "lesser" creation.  We, although the God proclaimed pinnacle of creation, also seem to have fallen the farthest from where we were originally intended to be.  We think of ourselves as "wise" and, in truth, are really foolish.

       I can only wonder, what will we be like when we are restored?  How much more transforming will nature be when it is remade?

       

Sugar and Sin

So, I should begin by stating I am doing MUCH, MUCH better.  I do think it was/is good for me to question but I want to assure you all that I actually am pretty much solid in faith now.  After a few days I wrote out a lot of the things God has done for me in my life either in a very supernatural way or a very personal way (or both).  That testimony to myself made me remember why I could trust God and the Bible (although I can't explain or phantom all that is in it).  Perhaps I need to work out things more myself but I think it was more of an emotional crisis than an intellectual one.  I have always leaned more towards emotional dealings anyway.  I welcome all your thoughts/comments on this.  Mostly I just wanted to let you know I am doing fine and feeling closer to God even in slight ambiguity.  In fact, part of what draws me to God is the Mystery.

On to "sugar and sin": the reason I decided to title this post that is because for lent (well, to be honest, I think it's kind of more of an experiment) but PARTLY for lent I've decided to try and forgo sugar.  That sounds a little easier (or harder?) than it is.  Even though I already buy minimally processed foods and mostly organic/natural foods I have already found that I've eaten sugar in salsa and bacon by accident!  Sugar is in almost everything -- even bread.  So, I'm eating Ezekiel bread right now and might make some bread with honey or get a bread from the bakery that doesn't have any sugar in it (rye?).  I don't know.  I am also trying to give up discouragement (mostly for my husband) and replace it with encouragement.  That is more of my "real" lent fast.

So far I've definitely had cravings which is partly why I'm trying to fast from sugar.  I realized I've been using it as a crutch.  I'm also curious to see if I do have more energy and feel better if I don't eat if for a while.  Well, as I said before sugar is pervasive and although I certainly don't think it's a sin to eat sugar it made me think of the Bible Study we went to earlier tonight.  We read Ephesians 4:17-5:20; here it is in full:

¹⁷ So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. ¹⁸ They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. ¹⁹ Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.

²⁰ That, however, is not the way of life you learned ²¹ when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. ²² You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; ²³ to be made new in the attitude of your minds; ²⁴ and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

²⁵ Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. ²⁶ “In your anger do not sin”^[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷ and do not give the devil a foothold. ²⁸ Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands,that they may have something to share with those in need.

²⁹ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ³⁰ And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

5 ¹ Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children ² and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
³ But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. ⁴ Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.⁵ For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.^[a] 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. ⁷ Therefore do not be partners with them.
⁸ For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light⁹ (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) ¹⁰ and find out what pleases the Lord. ¹¹ Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. ¹² It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.¹³ But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. ¹⁴ This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper,
    rise from the dead,
    and Christ will shine on you.”

¹⁵ Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, ¹⁶ making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. ¹⁷ Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. ¹⁸ Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, ¹⁹ speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, ²⁰ always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Alright, so I know that's a lot.  It's a lot and the reason I bring it up is because just reading it made me think of fasting from sugar.  Sugar is in nearly everything.  Reading through this passage made me realize sin is in nearly everything as well.  Just thinking of anger, greed or foolish talk (ok, this happens) and I'm already out.  Then I realize, it's not that I am called out to give sins I am also called to replace them with good things.  It's not so simple as not doing something as much of our culture presumes.  I like that there is a positive for every negative, so to speak.  For example, "Be careful, then, how you live-- not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil."  Anyway, realizing this in full it's no wonder I need the Holy Spirit!  I most definitely NEED to be "made new in the attitude of my mind; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." -Ephesians 4:24

So, yeah, there's some food (without sugar hopefully) for thought.  Haha.  It's interesting how fasting from something or even being intentional about doing/forming a new habit really brings things into clearer focus.  It's like, oh, wow, I need God to save me from sin and recreate me into the person I really am.  Yeah.

Cat-bus

I have been busy and not thinking I have much to say, thus, the lull in posts.

Yeah, but I did a drawing of a cat-bus today (from the classic anime movie My Neighbor Totoro) which I plan to send to a friend in a care package this week. I tried to turn it but it won't work for me so I guess I'll just post it looking like it's about to rocket into the sky.

"Cat-bus" is also what my husband and I call the kitty that lives above us since it sounds as loud as a cat-bus.
:o)



I feel like my winter blues have passed and I'm getting into new things.  I've started volunteering by attending a Women's Craft Cooperative designed to get immigrants, refugees and native Minnesotans to mix and have fun doing crafts, speaking English, and sharing life.  I learned to knit there just this Friday.  I also went to a "Re-skills" workshop where we learned about baking bread.  I am baking my own bread right now!  See, an old dog can learn new tricks...hehe.

Well, just wanted to say hey and wish you all a vivifying day/evening.

Grey Day

      -Sigh-  Today is one of those days where I feel the lack of Heaven.  Yes, I prayed today, "They Kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven."  However, the glories of Heaven and the Kingdom are apparently absent.  I don't say this in an uber depressed tone.  Don't misunderstand; overall this day has been one worth keeping.  I even got to see a dear friend and that was valuable.  It's not even the weather.  I don't mind the clouds and rain.  I even cherish the new life and the strong scents that storms bring.  It's just that there is something in me that knows this life is not how it's supposed to be.

     I even wrote in my journal the other day:  "Do we get to the point where we learn 'not too expect too much?' What does God think of this?  He thinks we need to learn to expect more I venture."

    There is a sort of resignation that occurs as one becomes older and sometimes it okay I suppose, but other times I think it just makes people drones, simply doing just enough and being in survival mode or at least what is comfort mode (which is more dangerous because then people have the illusion that they are satisfied but they really aren't living life, they are just being spoon-fed).  At least those in survival mode see that things are not as they should be more often.  Hmmm....I think C.S. Lewis said it rather well when he said this,  

If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us,like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by an offer of a holiday at sea. We are far to easily pleased.

death and life

Chris' grandpa died yesterday.  I am so grateful that we went to visit him this last Sunday and talked with him, prayed with him, joked with him, held his hand and hugged him in his bed.  It's difficult to know how to feel times like this.  He was not doing well at the end of his life although he was still extremely pleasant.  He was such a delightful, sweet man.  I didn't know him very long or very well relatively speaking but as much as I knew him he was wonderful.  He was my grandpa too.  He always said what a pretty girl I was and gave me compliments and just seemed to relish being with people when he was around, even if he was tired sometimes.  I will never forget last Easter when Chris and I brought Sumita to his parent's house for dinner and he chatted it up with her and told her he liked her and her tattoos (you must see Sumita to know why this means so much, most people would be a little wary of her from her looks).  He also talked with the African people that Chris' parents had over.  He was just so open and it was grand.  We will miss him very much but I feel that he is with Jesus now.

As I think about his life and death I think about mine as well.  To know there is an end makes me realize how strangely short this life is and how much I should cherish it and use it to do things that are good, to be good (through God's strength and grace).  I've been substitute teaching since last November and I've thought about what I want my "career" to be but as it were I have also been given a word from God that helped me not fret about this.  I know I want to work with children but I also know that I don't want my career to consume me.  In fact, I feel more and more like putting all my energy into a job is not what God asks of me at all.  I feel most alive when I am serving in ministry whether that be Jesus Kitchen or leading musical worship or learning about different cultures within the Church.  I love being part of the neighborhood we live in and taking walks in it and visiting people who live nearby.  I feel called to create music and write.  I feel called to care about the "least of these" and do something about it.  I feel called to live in a way that is not just surviving but is honest about struggles while transcending them by the Grace and Power of Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God.  There is so much more life in that than trying to pursue being an "expert" at something.  I just want to live and in the end I want my life to have glorified God and helped others in that process.  All this is much easier said than done but I think the key thing is to keep perspective.  When I think about the big picture of things it makes my decisions about now clearer.  I need so much grace to be who God really made me to be and I am glad that I do not live (or even die) on my own strength.