Catharsis

Definition of CATHARSIS

1

: purgation

2

a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through artb : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension

The above is from the Merriam-Webster's.

I was just experiencing such catharsis.  I am so grateful for the gift of music and specifically through the means of expressing through the ukulele.  I feel rather dry as I write this now, the back-analysis if you will, but I was playing it so purely and so beautifully just minutes ago.  

Then I was also thinking about how I haven't blogged/written creatively much lately and how I've had many thoughts that were worth writing down but haven't given the time to do it or felt the impulse to move myself toward that aim.  

It is not as important to me as it once was, although I still will be a writer and feel the need (or the need to serve the gift) and write at different times.  Yet, there is something expressed through music and something "achieved" even (although that seems an odd word to use) that cannot be done through my writing.  Different parts of me are expressed and given life and voice through music that are not in writing.  I am glad for both.  

I was reading earlier on a facebook page about "Snowman the Soulman" - a friend's fiance of mine actually - who is a saxophonist - and he said that he's called the "soulman" because people have said they can hear his soul through his playing.  I want that to be true for me.  It is one thing to play music, to play a song; it is one thing to even write words, write a story or a poem or an essay; and it is another entirely to allow it to flow - to carry you as it were as you are expressed through it and yet hidden within it as though in a beautiful cloak (a cloak that is made as you weave your story or song).  The cloak that hides and yet reveals an utter beauty. So many metaphors mixed I know, but it's what I am feeling right now and it's what is true even if it's hard to say it in a concrete fashion.  

Life is good...

I don't know why I'm posting other than it's been a long time and my last post was kind of depressing/desperate and I want to report that I am doing much better and God is very good and I'm realizing that more and more and my innate need for all things HIM.

Church is going much better.  I talked to a lovely lady from there about such things and it really helped me put things in perspective.  The last few weeks have been really good just because I think I've let go of some things and also opened myself up more to the Holy Spirit working in me.  I think I might quit playing music with the worship music team, but I haven't decided yet.  As much as I love doing it and I am sometimes very blessed to do it, I think God may want to take me a different direction with those talents and have me "relax" more at church and receive more.  I just played a couple of songs at an Alpha course yesterday for the transition time and although I was very shy about doing it I think it went well overall.  I really do like sharing music with people.  Zoo Animal has inspired me a lot (if you haven't heard of them or any of their music, definitely go to http://www.myspace.com/zooanimalsound
I and a few friends went to a show of those the other week and it was great.  Most of all, the frontwoman, Holly Newsom, is wonderfully real in her lyrics which happen to talk about God and life and it inspires me.  Their music and the energy behind it is just terrific too.  Yeah.
Chris and I also got to talk with a couple from church about some things in our marriage and it was really good.  I am so glad we have people we can go deeper with and trust about the heavy things.  I am also really glad for the wisdom they have to give and the experiences they have to share with us that makes us feel like we're not freaks but just people with strengths and weaknesses and inevitably in need of God's grace (like everyone).

I don't know what else to say.  There are so many things I've blessed with lately and I'm grateful for them all.  Volunteering at preschools where kids are so sweet and endearing, parents who are fun to hang out with, a husband who is my best friend, friends who grow better each day, etc. I do know that  I've got to get out into the sunshine but here's a little something I wrote last week.  It's not great, but it's something.   I want to post more poetry but I've been writing songs mostly lately which don't translate as well on a soundless page :0).  Anyway:

Sipping weak coffee
Listening to a man with an African accent get upset at a couple of young adults in a special education program


My life
Strange images, sounds, sensations


But an opportunity,
To breathe, to think, to ponder, to marvel, to analyze


Lives of others 
With mine diverging and colliding quickly, quietly
Disconnected, yet touching