I am sitting in the front yard because my internet (which we had shared with a neighbor) is no longer working. Our neighbor is trying to figure out how to get cheaper service so there's a lull. However, when I sit in the front I can "steal" the internet from the library. It's not super consistent but it works pretty well so that's what I've been doing the past few days.
Anyway, I was just thinking amused to myself that if I didn't have this problem I would not have seen as many people walk by and I would not have realized what a (sometimes literally) colorful part of the city this can be. We are on a main street AKA Main St., in fact, and I'm sure I've seen a handful of homeless folks as well as neighbors and our neighbor (directly next to us) has a hair cutting business so I talked with one of her clients who was smoking outside all about natural birth and his theory of the danger of doctors ironically. Sometimes being inconvenienced is way to shake me out of my stupor and make me realize the world is bigger than what I typically see.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Friday, August 8, 2014
Surrender and Sacrifice
I am in week 36 of pregnancy as of tomorrow. 4 more weeks til full term!
Last week, something pretty astonishing happened to me. I felt God directing me that we should go a Mennonite church we had visited once before but weeks earlier and we went. After the service there was a potluck (which always indicates this is a good church to me) and we stayed for it, naturally. After the potluck two ladies came up to me and began some casual conversation with me about how long we'd been in there area, where we were from, my pregnancy, etc. Then, it seemed out of the blue they said, "We were wondering if you would mind if we threw a baby shower for you." I was shocked and flattered. I think I mumbled something like, "Well, yeah, that would be great." I then backtracked a little and mentioned how I had showers in Minnesota when we were there so I didn't need very much but if they just wanted throw me a little party where I could hear from other ladies/moms I wouldn't mind one bit. Anyway, long story short we exchanged phone numbers and they said they'd call me about more details, etc., later. I pretty much can't get over how kind they are and then later I call one of them saying I think it'd be great if they just wanted to bring some meals over after the baby is born but I don't need a shower. She replies, "Well, honestly, that is a separate thing we would do for you anyway." Ok....wow. I have never met such generous, welcoming people in my life. Well, okay then. Despite my inhibitions and second guesses about nearly everything: I think I'm supposed to go this church, hahah.
So, today I went out to lunch with two of the ladies (one in charge of the shower idea) and they are both likely twice my age (at least they have children about my age). It's very nice but one thing I noticed is that while I did a lot of talking about myself and Chris it seemed mostly they talked about their kids who are in their 20s-30s. I felt puzzled for a while -- what about them? What do they like to do? It felt awkward to realize that their children are such a part of their life and and an extension of their life that it probably feels more natural for them to talk about them rather than themselves. I am so near entering their world and it is startling to me. I talk to a younger friend (in her 20s) later during the day and I realize afterwards that I dominated the conversation with talk about the pregnancy/giving birth. Now, I'm not saying that once you give birth to a child that yourself is swallowed up and you don't have any identity apart from that, BUT it is clearly a life-altering event. It redefines and reshapes you in a way that almost nothing else does. I state this, but this is only theory for me at this point.
I am on the threshold of such a change. I will be surrendering to the process of birth itself and then the sacrifice of having to care for and aid a little human being in it's wonderful development will begin. I expect that it will be joyful but difficult. I expect that I will feel literally insane at times for all the effort it will take but I also know that God will be guiding and maybe these ladies coming into my life at this time is exactly what I'd been praying for all along. I think it's crucial for Chris and I to realize we are far from alone in this and I think it will enable us to see the beauty in the giving of ourselves as parents.
Last week, something pretty astonishing happened to me. I felt God directing me that we should go a Mennonite church we had visited once before but weeks earlier and we went. After the service there was a potluck (which always indicates this is a good church to me) and we stayed for it, naturally. After the potluck two ladies came up to me and began some casual conversation with me about how long we'd been in there area, where we were from, my pregnancy, etc. Then, it seemed out of the blue they said, "We were wondering if you would mind if we threw a baby shower for you." I was shocked and flattered. I think I mumbled something like, "Well, yeah, that would be great." I then backtracked a little and mentioned how I had showers in Minnesota when we were there so I didn't need very much but if they just wanted throw me a little party where I could hear from other ladies/moms I wouldn't mind one bit. Anyway, long story short we exchanged phone numbers and they said they'd call me about more details, etc., later. I pretty much can't get over how kind they are and then later I call one of them saying I think it'd be great if they just wanted to bring some meals over after the baby is born but I don't need a shower. She replies, "Well, honestly, that is a separate thing we would do for you anyway." Ok....wow. I have never met such generous, welcoming people in my life. Well, okay then. Despite my inhibitions and second guesses about nearly everything: I think I'm supposed to go this church, hahah.
So, today I went out to lunch with two of the ladies (one in charge of the shower idea) and they are both likely twice my age (at least they have children about my age). It's very nice but one thing I noticed is that while I did a lot of talking about myself and Chris it seemed mostly they talked about their kids who are in their 20s-30s. I felt puzzled for a while -- what about them? What do they like to do? It felt awkward to realize that their children are such a part of their life and and an extension of their life that it probably feels more natural for them to talk about them rather than themselves. I am so near entering their world and it is startling to me. I talk to a younger friend (in her 20s) later during the day and I realize afterwards that I dominated the conversation with talk about the pregnancy/giving birth. Now, I'm not saying that once you give birth to a child that yourself is swallowed up and you don't have any identity apart from that, BUT it is clearly a life-altering event. It redefines and reshapes you in a way that almost nothing else does. I state this, but this is only theory for me at this point.
I am on the threshold of such a change. I will be surrendering to the process of birth itself and then the sacrifice of having to care for and aid a little human being in it's wonderful development will begin. I expect that it will be joyful but difficult. I expect that I will feel literally insane at times for all the effort it will take but I also know that God will be guiding and maybe these ladies coming into my life at this time is exactly what I'd been praying for all along. I think it's crucial for Chris and I to realize we are far from alone in this and I think it will enable us to see the beauty in the giving of ourselves as parents.
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